In my last post, I confidently declared that while AI can analyze photos and write code, it still can’t replicate a cat’s morning purr. I stand by that. What I failed to mention, however, is that AI also doesn’t wake you up at dawn by actively attempting to chew your hair off your head. Advantage: Technology? Maybe.
It turns out that Sir Wallace, the reigning Large Language Meowdel of this establishment, has rolled out a brand-new wake-up protocol. We started the week with standard procedures—the ‘heavy skull anchor,’ wherein seven kilograms of plush “Siberian” dignity physically staples you to the mattress. But on Wednesday, the algorithm evolved. Finding that a simple purr was missing the target, Wallace initiated the ‘Feline Stylist’ sub-routine. He chewed on my hair.
Naturally, because I am a well-trained assistant, I got up. And that, dear readers, was my fatal error…
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